WE NEED OUR SHADOW
Now that you've met your shadow and merged with it on day one, you've been spending days uncovering hidden aspects of yourself that the shadow is hiding, and you've been integrating the layers of denied aspects that you are aware of at this time, it's time to take a conscious moment to realize that your shadow is always with you and that your shadow is what's creating balance in you. Every single day. Everywhere you go. It’s the feminine to our masculine, it’s the yin to our yang, it’s the moon to our sun, and it’s the sub to our conscious.
It no longer has to be the fear of our bravery or the ugliness of our beauty. For without shadow, we do not have balance.
However, there is such thing as a healthy shadow and an imbalanced shadow. What creates an imbalance in our own shadows? You got it, denied aspects of self that we haven’t fully integrated and owned. When we consciously shine light on those aspects, give voice to the pain in them, move the emotional charge out of them, and give them space to live in us by owning them, we have begun the journey of supporting a balanced and healthy shadow.
EXTERIOR • What are some symptoms of an imbalanced shadow? The list is long but here are a few popular ones: addiction, affairs, emotional eating, unhealthy relationships (romantic and platonic), money debt, and so on. What do all of these have in common? The need for external validation.
INTERIOR • The opposite end of the spectrum of an imbalanced shadow is: remaining small, not using your voice, afraid of being seen, afraid of success, hiding, no boundaries. What do all of these have in common? The need for interior validation.
What do both exterior and interior validation have in common? Needing any type of validation from something other than yourself. What does that boil down to? Hidden aspects of self that need to be uncovered, processed and integrated!
BALANCE • A healthy shadow doesn’t need worth or validation from anyone or anything else. True feminine is powerful, accepting, vulnerable, supporting, nurturing, intimate, open, compassionate, and emotionally confident.
WHAT DOES OUR SHADOW NEED
What do we need?
When we find ourselves in situations that teeter on the exterior or interior validation, we know that we’ve hit on a hidden aspect of self that's creating an imbalance in our shadow and our life. Therefore, we're in need of integrating and owning.
Am I active in any situations where I’m in need of internal and external validations?
Fictitious example no. 1: yes, I’ve been married for ten years and I have a very risky flirtatious crush on my co-worker whom I know is also energetically engaging in this as well.
Fictitious example no. 2: yes, I have two drinks a night minim. Either at home or out.
Fictitious example no. 3: yes, I got to round three of my dream job but I filled up with so much fear and anxiety that I just didn’t show up to the final interview. I was crippled by fear.
If I answered yes to the exterior, what do I lust for most in that person or thing?
Fictitious example no. 1: He’s everything my husband isn’t. He’s gentle. He always diffuses any conflict with compassion and class. He’s adventurous.
Fictitious example no. 2: If I’m honest, I do it to have some sort of celebration to look forward to in my stressful mundane life. To feel like a fun party.
If I answered yes to the interior, what am I most afraid of.
Fictitious example no. 3: I’m deathly afraid of not getting this job and realizing that my whole life is a complete failure at that point. The fear of failure outweighs the potential of succeeding. It would be the end of me since I’m already in such a fragile place. I’d realize my biggest fear of all, that my life is meaningless.
List the keywords you said you lust for (external) or are afraid of (internal).
FE no. 1: Gentle, compassion, class, diffuses conflict.
FE no. 2: Celebration, stressful, mundane, fun, party.
FE no. 3: Not getting, complete failure, end, fragile, meaningless.
Now boil these down into the essence/denied aspect that invokes the truest and most emotional activation in you. Everyone’s will vary based on personal trauma or shame.
(If it’s an exterior validation, what we project on other people and things are what we have denied in ourselves. They are mirrors of us. And internally is pretty self-explanatory.)
FE no. 1: I’m so hard on myself, I never have compassion with myself, I often act out and pick fights with people in my everyday life, and I have low self-worth, therefore, I subconsciously doubt my classiness. My words are “scared,” “undeserving,” “whore,” “prostitute”
FE no. 2: I didn’t choose the career of my dreams, which would have included what I imagine to be a ton of fun. A constant party. I’m stressed and find aspects of my life mundane. My words are “loser,” “old,” “failure”
FE no. 3: “pathetic,” “monster,” “unlovable”
Once you’ve unconcealed these denied aspects that are hiding in your imbalanced shadow, take them back through these steps: Integrating, Owning, Emotional Clearing, Love Our Shadow.
My own exercise.