SUPPORTED • the group clarity we've all been waiting for
Today we announce something very special. Something that has been requested, and something that I'm bursting at the seams to be of service for.
Supported is a monthly subscription service that includes two 1-hour long videos (audio files and transcripts as well) with me answering the community's most pressing questions. Once you join, email us what's going on in your manifestation process, ask your questions, and stay tuned for the collective answers in the first video to come (April 16th). It's time to take the support deeper for those that don’t have one-on-one access, so that you can break through your blocks and bring in your manifestations. We're creating a safe community that will nourish deeper unblocking, clarity, and exclusive exercises and tools.
In honor of this special day, I thought that I'd SHARE, which I hope inspires you to email through the questions regarding experiencing confusion, uncertainty, lack of clarity, or any general grey area in your manifestation process once you join.
You always have an option, you are not broken, you deserve your manifestation, and I can't wait to shed some clarity on what might be keeping you stuck if you're not able to work one-on-one with me.
Often on here, you're reading about what I've manifested through prior lists, or what I'm currently manifesting, or what others have been manifesting, but for those of you that might be under some bigger physical or subconscious blocks that make you feel as though you're stuck in the mud and can't quite seem to get any traction moving, I want to share where I'm currently at with one of my manifestations, and its block, to help you know that this too shall pass. There is an answer and you can do it. You are expanding from this experience, and one day not too far from now, you'll have your manifestation. I'm here to support you.
Exactly ten months ago we started trying for a baby. That month, I was pregnant and experienced a chemical pregnancy. And it's been a very long, windy, emotional, frustrating, magical, gift of a journey since. GIFT YOU SAY? Yes, gift. As all delays in manifestation truly are. Why? Because they are the gift of self-exploration, healing, and upgrading deeper into your authentic self.
While in Brooklyn, last month, I had that feeling. The one that comes when every big manifestation has been near and close to materializing. For me, it's a full body experience. As if a knowing washes over me. As if I can smell it, and feel it jitter in my heart. This one felt as if the baby was sitting right next to my shoulder. And the same thing that happens every time before every past manifestation, happened this time. I said, "oh wow the baby is coming."
You could call this my magic dark, though, from much experience, I know that I'm just about to step into my magic dark. One that can be very close or takeeeeeeee time. It all depends on if I unlock the blocks needed to be aligned with this baby.
On December 31st, roughly at sunset, in Scotland, I wrote my list:
"Universe, all I want to manifest this year is letting go of control and perfectionism. I want it with all of my heart. Please send me the tools, healers, teachers, and mirrors in my life."
And boy have they been showing up. With this spirit baby potentially being the biggest yet.
A bit of backstory. My mother was raised by a severe alcoholic, rigid religious mother, the youngest of five girls in a home that didn't foster any self-worth, safety, or security. Subconsciously, she imprinted that you can never let go of control in general, but especially with a man, for she had a father that could never be trusted to get things done, provide, be easy, normal and loving, let alone take care of the women in the households emotional needs. Furthermore, with her mother working full-time and completely supporting the household, she imprinted that trusting a man would mean complete suffocation, imprisonment, and caretaking. So guess what my mother turned into, the black widow. She would have a child with a man, and after the magic period wore off, she'd eat them up, spit them out, and leave. Cycle repeat. This means that my mother is one of the most controlling, love avoidant, in her masculine women that I know. She's an incredible spirit but like all of us, she has her shadow and limits.
Annnnnnnnnnd guess what I am? The same. After watching my step-father whom I loved dearly leave my mother - with my permission - due to her alcoholism and other love avoidant habits. I then watched him drag her through one of the most painful and expensive custody battles known to man. I watched his new relationship become one of the most emotionally and mentally abusive environments for my half brother who was only three when they separated. And guess what this did?
This locked away my feminine, my receiving, my open/playfulness, and capability of being all in, and trusting any partner for good - let alone my current one. And that brings us up to December 31st. Where, when casting that list, I knew I'd have to address this subconsciously, physically, and emotionally if I wanted to start chiseling away at control and bringing this baby through.
Fast forward to today with MANY incredible teachers, healers, and mirrors showing up in abundance - as they always do when I cast a list - and me coming a very long way, very quickly. Far more present, learning to support myself, asking for help, getting into my heart, and leaning into my feminine.
But that block. The block that is for certain blocking this pregnancy is staring me right in the face. Waiting for me to do the truly heavy lifting. To take that one foot, that's always been out in every past relationship I've ever been in and put it in. It's asking me to completely surrender my heart to my partner. To trust him. Claim him. Choose him, fully commit to him, and allow the ice castle around my heart that is still protecting that 15-year-old girl to thaw and integrate. It's asking me to not fear if he'll be a good father, or if he can provide, if he won't suffocate me, if he is truly the one, or if he will ever be good enough for me. All nothing to do with him, logically, for he is already all of those things.
It's asking me to do the opposite of control, which is... trust. Freefall, open, surrender, receive and...trust.
But, as any of you know who sit in your own major blocks at this moment, something this deeeeeeply rooted, looping and emotionally circuiting in your nervous system isn't usually as easy as saying, "ok, I'm going to be this way now." It takes reinforcement, it takes work, it takes UNBLOCKING, and it takes reprogramming.
Did you know that it takes at least 20 days of reinforcement of the new way for a new neural pathway to form? 100 to begin weakening the old loop, and 3,000 to completely create the new loop? Consider that when you're blowing through your reprogramming!!!
But I'm here and committed to this upleveling. I'm committed to the work, and the journey. I've refrained, "we're trying for a baby," to, "we're preparing for a baby.
This is why this pregnancy journey has been the biggest gift. Because like EVERYTHING happening in our lives, or coming to us, it's to guide us into our most whole, authentic, and powerful self.