KERRILYNN PAMER • Expander Humility Series
In my manifestation process, what actually creates space for our manifestations to come through is when we expand through “seeing is believing” in others. It shows our subconscious mind that such is possible for us. Therefore, deeply relating to another person that we identify with through their background, culture, struggles, and failures, and then witnessing their success allows us to believe that the same is possible for us. Once we have that “ah ha” moment of, ‘they did this so I can too’, we’ve successfully expanded space in our subconscious and we are now capable of attracting what we want.
We continue our Humility Series with the most inspiring lady we know leading the conversation in health and beauty: Kerrilynn Pamer, co-founder of CAP Beauty. Kerrilynn happens to be one of my expanders. Not only for her exceptional business spirit but also for her youthful creativity and lens on life. I learn something new every time I'm with her and she's real, humble, but incredibly joyful! Carry on below to get inspired!
I grew up in Portland, Oregon. Super old school Irish Catholic family, Dad drank A LOT, Mom took care of the house and there were a lot of parties with too much drinking. There were moments of joy woven into this scenario, but I was a sensitive child that took a lot of that emotion on and was pretty stressed out and anxious. I had a very active interior life that I created out of necessity to shelter me from what was going on outside. My parents split up when I was in sixth grade and that impacted me greatly, not immediately, but later. I’m a caretaker by nature and have been since I was a kid. I was always drawn to animals, still am, and I think they helped me enormously in coping with my upbringing. My parents “lost” all their money in the 70’s, early 80’s and that impacted our family immensely and made the money conversation a very confusing one for me. I’m still doing the work to figure it all out.
Small town or big city
Not sure what you would call Portland, Oregon. I think sort of a medium size city with a strong western spirit?
crying on the floor
Oh God, I was so lost in my early twenties. Lots of drinking, eating and a general sense of confusion. I knew I had something in me that I wanted to share, I just didn’t know what it was. Or how to find it. I spent so many weekends hungover and wanting. It’s not a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy. Knowing you have something large in you and not knowing how to tap into it or what it feels like is a very uncomfortable purgatory. But it was a crucial part of my process. One that was so clearly valuable to my experience. And with many years away from it, I can see its importance with crystal clear eyes. Also, in the final days of my store, Castor & Pollux, there was a lot of stress surrounding it. The multi-label boutique model was dying and then the crash of 2008 happened. I was trying so hard to keep something alive that I knew had seen better days. I didn’t know what the next thing was and that led to so much discontent, searching, and turmoil. Around that same time, I was diagnosed with celiac disease and that opened up a whole new world. I started exploring health in a way that I hadn’t before and I became obsessed. In the best possible way. For the first time, I saw that my choices impacted me profoundly. For better or worse. I chose for better.
Low, but I wasn’t super aware of it at the time. I was always seeking, always wanting.
I think allowing myself to release Castor & Pollux and make room for CAP to be born was the beginning of everything. It required so much trust and faith on my part. That to be honest, I didn’t have tons of at that time. But I wanted CAP in the world so badly and I deeply believed that others did too. Turns out I was right.
Single / toxic
I haven’t been in a super toxic relationship but I have been in ones that didn’t make a lot of sense but made sense at the time. My skill set was developing, I didn’t have tons of role models growing up for relationships, so those relationships were a part of my process.
Once I knew that CAP was THE THING, it happened fast and easily. I don’t use the word easily lightly, we work incredibly hard but it truly feels like there is a larger force behind what we are creating. I had a business partner in my previous business and thought that I never wanted one after that but quickly recognized that Cindy, my partner, was a hell, yes. I didn’t want to do this by myself, my vision for it was too large and I didn’t feel confident or skilled enough to do it on my own. And I truly wanted to share it with someone. There isn’t anyone out there that I respect more than Cindy and I am blessed to be on this ride with her.
When CAP was decided on, the fears went away. Money is always a tricky one for me, given my upbringing, but that is something that I am actively working on daily. And it’s getting better all the time. A lot of that is thanks to you, Lacy.
When my husband and I decided to recommit to our marriage. We split up a few years ago and then made a VERY conscious decision to mend our relationship. That commitment and dedication that we brought to it was truly the most humbling and magical thing I’ve ever witnessed.
Seeing the response of our clients and customers makes me want to be as much of a badass as possible. I’m here for them and I want to bring my best self everyday.
Who expanded me
Marcia Kilgore, founder of Bliss Spa changed the world of spas.
Clare Vivier, founder of Clare V.
Amanda Chantal Bacon, founder of Moon Juice.
Lacy Phillips (you!)
Advice to lowest self
Keep doing the work and don’t lose the faith. It’s all coming.
That I don’t deserve as much money as I want.
I’d say moving to LA has been filled with much kismet. And a long time coming.
A cocktail of fear, pride and hope.
to check out
Our book, High Vibrational Beauty: Recipes and Rituals for Radical Self Care, is out April 3rd and I’m beyond excited to share it with the world. Everything in it helps you create the most beautiful and delicious life ever.